Loss and Mourning

Recent events have prompted my brain juices to flow in the direction of loss and mourning and what the purpose of mourning really is. Yesterday, March 14^th, 2012, a 21 year-old young man was transporting a woman to her dialysis appointment in an ambulance. For an unknown reason the young man failed to slow down behind a commercial flatbed truck carrying lumber. The ambulance was crushed as it barreled into the bed of the truck and lumber from the flatbed was forced through the driver’s side of the windshield of the ambulance and reached halfway through the length of the vehicle. Both the 21 year-old young man and the woman he was transporting were killed.

With that happening just yesterday morning I began thinking of the tragedies that I read and hear about in the news occurring every day. I will attempt to avoid any clichés in this post but it may prove to be difficult. I know loss from my own experiences and I know how I deal with it in various situations. To each his or her own. I believe, however, that there is a universal purpose for mourning which each person shares. I will reveal that reason near the end of this post so stay tuned.

Being 29 years of age, I have experienced more loss in terms of loved ones, both family and friends, passing away than I believe I or anyone should. I will list them here for the sake of their memories: my mother and father have both passed, both my grandmother and grandfather on my mother’s side as well as my grandmother and grandfather on my father’s side, an aunt, an uncle, and four friends—three lost in war within recent years and one lost by his own hand.

It wasn’t until 2005 at a flea market that I was given the answer I had sought for years. Many may already know this but many more still do not and for that reason I will share it with you hear the way that it was shared with me in a small book shop housed within a massive flea market here in Ohio. I was looking for biographies to buy and study their format to see if I could possibly write a dual biography for two of my friends with whom I had served in the Army just a few days before they were killed by a suicide car bomber in Iraq. As I was skimming the shelves for an appealing spine and title an older gentleman approached me and asked if I needed help finding anything in particular. I told him what I was looking for and why and what he told me changed my outlook from that day on.

This kind gentleman told me that we mourn not for those who have passed before us but for ourselves and those of us left behind to live the rest of this life without them. We will have to endure the trials and triumphs without the kind words and congratulations of the ones we have lost. There are at least several deeper discussions I could go into here about specific words being used and how they may not necessarily be the best to use but it is the accepted phrasing but I will leave that as a potential topic of another blog for a later day.

We do not know what is coming or when, how, or why but we must have faith that there will be a tomorrow for those who love and care for us even if we are not there to suffer and/or celebrate with them.